So
I woke up the other morning and thought to myself, I can't believe how
long I've been lying to people. Family, friends and even random
strangers. Then the thought occurred to me. Why? I have been so consumed
with how others perceive me, that I have convinced myself that I'm
better off lying. How can I try and improve my life if I have spent so
much time ashamed of it? So as of today, I no longer care. If I've lied
to you, it's probably because I felt I couldn't trust you, and for that I
apologize. For those of you who had no idea or I have shrugged off the
subject, that is because I couldn't bring myself to lie to you and to
the people who already know.... thank you for tolerating me.
The
truth is, I was in a two year relationship with another girl. I loved
her. She loved me. It was some of the best times of my life. Ultimately I
made the decision that that particular lifestyle wasn't for me and
that's ok. I believe that each individual has the right to love whoever
they want and make decisions they feel are right. Although I no longer
choose that for myself I would never regret my experience or look down
on anyone who loves freely. I felt by lying to my friends and family, I could keep my feelings at a distance from everyone else and never actually have to face them. I felt I had a double life that people never knew about. Sure, it felt more comforting to not have everyone know my business, but I also missed out on a lot of opportunities to share my story and help others with similar issues. I
felt like I disappointed my family so keeping it a secret was safe for
them as much as it was for me. I was ashamed.... but I'm not anymore
nor do I have a reason to be. I learned more about myself and I have
more respect for the importance of agency. So there it is. Plain and simple. I'm Sarah
Trott. I love men but I've also loved a girl. I am a Mormon. I love my
church. I am human.
