The Secret Diary of a Fat A**

Through a little bit of pondering, I have added two more steps to my program.

Step 3: Location location location!!!

Basically I just think it would be a wise decision to stay away from certain locations where it would be easy to fall back into old habits. I will give you a completely HYPOTHETICAL situation and make up a completely HYPOTHETICAL scenario in order to make my point.

-There is a magical place in a far away land that goes by the name, Gold Canyon. In this land lies the Renaissance Festival. Suppose you were to go to this "Renaissance Festival" with a few of your friends. You are walking around for most of the day and you start to feel that rumble in your stomach. Believe me, you will not find a granola bar or a vegetable option anywhere near by, so you go for the next best thing. Steak on a stake. DUH! There is nothing better than a nice juicy piece of meat with a wooden stick plunged right through the middle. This makes it possible for any person to walk and eat at the same time, THUS burning off the food while you eat it. Sounds dandy right? Wrong. Before you know it, you've finished the steak, an extra large pickle, a nice long slab of original beef jerky, a surplus of Dr. Pepper and a chocolate covered s'more. WTF! What just happened?! You try to justify these eating habits to yourself, but who are you fooling anyway? No one is buying this crap. What a day.

Now like I mentioned before this is completely HYPOTHETICAL, but the moral of the story is not to set yourself up for failure. Don't think you can walk into an ice cream store and be content with your sobe life water and bowl of special k. If you just avoid the places that are designed to trap you, we can put this guilt madness to bed and you won't be forced to run everywhere until next thursday.

Step 4: The right place to eat

If you really want to work on portion control, I would recommend eating food that you don't like. My least favorite food ever is Asian food. I don't know what it is, but I pretty much hate that shiz. So if I feel like going out to dinner with my friends, I might suggest an Asian restaurant. This may sound like a stupid idea but really, its genius. I'll find the only thing on the menu that seems tolerable. After a few minutes, I will get sick of it and tell everyone that I'm full. BAM! Congratulations, the first step to portion control is done. You will have eaten enough to satisfy your stomach and if the food is really gross, you will have lost your appetite all together and not even be hungry anymore. Fool proof.

Please note that some of these suggestions are not for everyone. I am a professional and therefore know what i'm doing. Most of the time.

The Secret Diary of a Fat A**

- I will refrain from using bad language not only for the sake of my young and impressionable nephew and niece, but also because my mother is not opposed to washing my mouth out with soap. Plus I stand for truth and righteousness at all times, and in all things and in all places:)

On the off chance that the title did not give it away I, Sarah Anne Trott, am documenting my accounts on how I will go from FAT to FAB before swimsuit season. Which, unfortunately in Arizona, means I have approximately 3days. Since that is obviously not going to happen, I will give myself a more realistic time line. For now, that is undetermined. Go figure.

I plan on sticking to a 12-step program. I have not made up all the steps yet so I will only share the ones on the top of my head.

STEP 1: Cut out QT

Dear QT Employees,
I know this may put a dent in your sales revenue, but there comes a time in a persons life when they just need some space. That time is now.

You know things are bad when your friend says "This is a bad batch of Dr. Pepper, lets go to the other one." You then proceed the 2 miles to the next QT and find even more items that you never even needed in the first place.

STEP 2: IHOP away from heart attacks on a plate.

Where can one even begin with Ihop! Oh how I praise and curse the day you opened 2 seconds away from my house. I have developed a simple test to tell whether or not you are an Ihop addict. Please answer the following questions, but only if you are prepared for the outcome.

Do you need a menu, or do you pretty much have everything already memorized?

Does the waiter approach you and say, "hey didn't I see you this morning"?

Do you know the morning crew?

Do you know the afternoon crew?

The night crew?

THE GRAVEYARD CREW??

Are you friends with any of them on facebook?

Do you ask to substitute your fruit for an order of cinnastack pancakes?

Can you recognize some of the employees vehicles in 5 seconds or less?

Are you contemplating having your rehearsal dinner, birthday party or any other special events there?

Do you dream about it?

Think about it?

Crave it?

I could go on forever, but my advice to you is to get help now! Before it's too late.

There is only so long the "its just baby fat" and the "I'm not fat, i'm just big boned" will fly. In the humble words of my friend, and future president of the United States, Bryson Michael Taggart.... I am tired of being a Fatty McButter Pants. I hope to gain some self-control and hopefully a nice one-piece swimsuit ready body. So with the help of Melanie, who will be my work-out buddy/girl who drags me around/ girl who will yell at me to stop sleeping on the treadmill/ girl who will dangle a donut in front of me so I will do another sit-up.... the vigorous diet and exercise begins today.

Unless i'm too tired. Then I will start tomorrow.