The Secret Diary of a Fat A**

- I will refrain from using bad language not only for the sake of my young and impressionable nephew and niece, but also because my mother is not opposed to washing my mouth out with soap. Plus I stand for truth and righteousness at all times, and in all things and in all places:)

On the off chance that the title did not give it away I, Sarah Anne Trott, am documenting my accounts on how I will go from FAT to FAB before swimsuit season. Which, unfortunately in Arizona, means I have approximately 3days. Since that is obviously not going to happen, I will give myself a more realistic time line. For now, that is undetermined. Go figure.

I plan on sticking to a 12-step program. I have not made up all the steps yet so I will only share the ones on the top of my head.

STEP 1: Cut out QT

Dear QT Employees,
I know this may put a dent in your sales revenue, but there comes a time in a persons life when they just need some space. That time is now.

You know things are bad when your friend says "This is a bad batch of Dr. Pepper, lets go to the other one." You then proceed the 2 miles to the next QT and find even more items that you never even needed in the first place.

STEP 2: IHOP away from heart attacks on a plate.

Where can one even begin with Ihop! Oh how I praise and curse the day you opened 2 seconds away from my house. I have developed a simple test to tell whether or not you are an Ihop addict. Please answer the following questions, but only if you are prepared for the outcome.

Do you need a menu, or do you pretty much have everything already memorized?

Does the waiter approach you and say, "hey didn't I see you this morning"?

Do you know the morning crew?

Do you know the afternoon crew?

The night crew?

THE GRAVEYARD CREW??

Are you friends with any of them on facebook?

Do you ask to substitute your fruit for an order of cinnastack pancakes?

Can you recognize some of the employees vehicles in 5 seconds or less?

Are you contemplating having your rehearsal dinner, birthday party or any other special events there?

Do you dream about it?

Think about it?

Crave it?

I could go on forever, but my advice to you is to get help now! Before it's too late.

There is only so long the "its just baby fat" and the "I'm not fat, i'm just big boned" will fly. In the humble words of my friend, and future president of the United States, Bryson Michael Taggart.... I am tired of being a Fatty McButter Pants. I hope to gain some self-control and hopefully a nice one-piece swimsuit ready body. So with the help of Melanie, who will be my work-out buddy/girl who drags me around/ girl who will yell at me to stop sleeping on the treadmill/ girl who will dangle a donut in front of me so I will do another sit-up.... the vigorous diet and exercise begins today.

Unless i'm too tired. Then I will start tomorrow.