The Secret Diary of a Fat A**

Through a little bit of pondering, I have added two more steps to my program.

Step 3: Location location location!!!

Basically I just think it would be a wise decision to stay away from certain locations where it would be easy to fall back into old habits. I will give you a completely HYPOTHETICAL situation and make up a completely HYPOTHETICAL scenario in order to make my point.

-There is a magical place in a far away land that goes by the name, Gold Canyon. In this land lies the Renaissance Festival. Suppose you were to go to this "Renaissance Festival" with a few of your friends. You are walking around for most of the day and you start to feel that rumble in your stomach. Believe me, you will not find a granola bar or a vegetable option anywhere near by, so you go for the next best thing. Steak on a stake. DUH! There is nothing better than a nice juicy piece of meat with a wooden stick plunged right through the middle. This makes it possible for any person to walk and eat at the same time, THUS burning off the food while you eat it. Sounds dandy right? Wrong. Before you know it, you've finished the steak, an extra large pickle, a nice long slab of original beef jerky, a surplus of Dr. Pepper and a chocolate covered s'more. WTF! What just happened?! You try to justify these eating habits to yourself, but who are you fooling anyway? No one is buying this crap. What a day.

Now like I mentioned before this is completely HYPOTHETICAL, but the moral of the story is not to set yourself up for failure. Don't think you can walk into an ice cream store and be content with your sobe life water and bowl of special k. If you just avoid the places that are designed to trap you, we can put this guilt madness to bed and you won't be forced to run everywhere until next thursday.

Step 4: The right place to eat

If you really want to work on portion control, I would recommend eating food that you don't like. My least favorite food ever is Asian food. I don't know what it is, but I pretty much hate that shiz. So if I feel like going out to dinner with my friends, I might suggest an Asian restaurant. This may sound like a stupid idea but really, its genius. I'll find the only thing on the menu that seems tolerable. After a few minutes, I will get sick of it and tell everyone that I'm full. BAM! Congratulations, the first step to portion control is done. You will have eaten enough to satisfy your stomach and if the food is really gross, you will have lost your appetite all together and not even be hungry anymore. Fool proof.

Please note that some of these suggestions are not for everyone. I am a professional and therefore know what i'm doing. Most of the time.